Things I Made in the Dark

Of Flowers & Glass

When I think of the relationship between my inner eye and my physical body, one word comes to mind “fickle”. Like a kaleidoscope, the view is either distorted or harmonious, depending on how the knob is turned.

So I aimed to make a visual representation of this relationship: a kaleidoscope collage. I searched for images that I could use to create symmetry and unique patterns that represent distortion. By no intention of my own, I gravitated toward two things: flowers and glass.

When posed with evaluating the objects and their respective properties, I discovered an underlying metaphor for my relationship between the internal and external perceptions of beauty.

A flower, unlike glass, is a living thing. It blooms, breathes, and grows. Its beauty is idiosyncratic and unstructured. No one has to be conditioned to believe a flower is beautiful; it’s known from the moment one looks at it.

Glasses are man-made, hand-crafted, carbon copy pieces of glass that are for consumption, commerce, and convenience. One chip in the glass, and is considered flawed and worthless. Its beauty is dependent on the ever-changing standards of society.

Both a beauty in their respective ways, flowers and glasses can coexist. You can place a flower in a vase, but the moment you do so, the lifespan of the flower diminishes. In order for the flower to fit in the confined space of the vase, it has to be reduced and uprooted. It will not thrive. Not because it doesn’t want to, not because it wasn’t enough, but because it was not grounded or surrounded by its nourishing environment. Not surrounded by others like it. Isolated to conform to conventional beauty, the natural beauty withers.

Much like my own relationship with my body image, the moment I tried to conform to conventional beauty standards, I lost sight of the beauty that is unique to me. It created a disconnect, a visual distortion, whenever I looked in the mirror, but didn’t actually see myself. Not because I didn’t want to, not because I wasn’t enough, but because I needed to create a nourishing environment for myself.